what do you mean that i CANNOT even attend my OWN graduation?!
i IS so pissed right now.
what do i tell my parents?
that they do not let me attend my OWN graduation. not because i fail or whatever that goes along with it.
i worked hard for it albeit umpteen times of dragging my feet to school and missing some of it too. i waited so long for this DAY. to wear THAT gown. to take memorable pictures with family and closed friends. to congratulate the trainees for successfully survive the two whole years of hardship and fun-ship.
where there is a beginning, there is an ending too right? what with those registration, interview and blablabla for a start. now upon successful completion, NOTHING. diploma scroll, transcript, gesl project record and alumni gift. are these consolation prize, i supposed? that would make me happy?
WRONG. totally heart-breaking.
in fact, those SHOULD be given anyway. not consolation to make it all up.
do you know how heart breaking it was to hear all those words in a phone call, hoping to hear pleasant saying of oh.i.missed.out.your.name.and.your.friend's.and.no.worries.i.will.send.the.invitation.again.
reality knocked me so hard that what a difference it will make if i were one of the group.
why. oh. why. my parents are totally going to be heart broken with this news. the eldest sister. the grandmums. the close aunties. the love. the bestfriends. they were so looking forward to this day of mine. that the family kept mentioning about it every now and then. that the mum and her two sisters planned what to wear already. that the bestfriends especially buddy already told me beforehand to remind her about it so she can take leave.
thank goodness that i did not tell them about my graduation on 9th July yet. you had no idea how saddening, how heart-wrenching it was to know that all had received their invitation letters except me and ling, the other clique who is of the same situation as me. what more when we already felt so outcast on few occassions. especially the 12th. i had a bad feeling about this initially. that was why i called ling and then, them.
if not, their (the working dad, sister, babyku and buddy) request for leave will be wasted. if not, their high spirit and excitement will be dampen even more. it will be sadder. =( aaarrgggh. it is so maddening.
and you know what's worst? why oh why i wanted this graduation so much?
i wanted that day to officially introduce the love to the dearest dad. yes, after close to 8 years of being together, the dearest dad has yet to know of the love's existence. poor him. i really do sympathise with him. it was just not the time. the right time. you have no idea how my dad is like as a father. and the right time, i want it to be THAT DAY. for i know im officially his grown up daughter in his eyes and that i have a doting boyfriend. haha. to think that i can still joke at this moment. but im serious. no shit. my dad. he is just strict like that.
aaarrghh. why oh why? why must this happen?!
why must the difference be the cause of it? what difference does it make anyway between full-fee paying trainee and bonded trainee? purpose claimed to be a welcome ceremony for them. so there is no welcome ceremony for me? albeit with the same modules, course, timetable, school and whatsnot that we went through? so im supposed to be left stranded and congratulate myself upon completion of my study?
if i knew this would happen in the first place, i would not opt for this. but if i did not opt for this, i would not have met my cliquez and AG babez. sigh. everything happens for a reason. how unbelievable yet how true.
however, i still cannot accept the fact that i still cannot attend my own graduation ceremony on 9th July. i could only attend as a guest, she said. what? gawd. oh how i hate 9th July. as for now.
laugh all you want. i know. how ridiculous to get so worked up just about graduation. but heck, you do not know how i feel. imagine yourself being me. in my situation. i don't care about what others' feel or think. it's the family and the loved ones that matter.
all i want is to have my family and loved ones to be with me on my graduation just like my NYP graduation. i want them to be a part of my joyous day. to see me up there on the stage from afar, being proud of me even though im not even proud of myself.
i lost the mood to do anything now. i just want to crash into bed. cuddle myself up. and cry all night long.
i just pity my parents. period. it's every parent's wish. what do i tell them...
(content will be reveal if i like it or not. this is the problem of not having a password entry.)
